People ask me: “ain’t ya scared livin’ up in the country all by your lonesome?” True, ain’t no street lights or paved roads. I tell ‘em that I ain’t scared and ain’t nuthin’ to be scared about anyway. Sure, there the occasional rattler but they stay away coz I think they scared I bite ‘em first.
Ain’t no streetlights but at night I see more stars than there are people on earth. The roads ain’t paved but I see cows coming and going at rush hour headed to the creek for a drink. It’s a well organized procession, all lined up one behind the other except for the calves jumping around out of line but never too far from their mommy. They’ll learn their place I guess.
They be like clockwork. Around six they come round for a drink. Around seven they be back on their way to the pasture. I don’t need a watch. I know exactly what time it is and when I should water my trees. One cow is assigned to call out the stragglers. Some people are always late I guess.
Not much to do up here in the country but work. Work on this, work on that, always sumthin’ to do or fix. The educated folks call it dealing with entropy. I call it “shit to do.” Whatever it’s called, keeps me busy. I could let it go to pits but I like takin’ care of things. I give the hummingbirds sugar water, breadcrumbs to the blue jays and woodpeckers, and carrots to the rabbits. The one guy I don’t like is Mister Gopher. He dig holes by my cypress trees and then my water go down his hole. ‘Em trees be starvin’ for water if I don’t look out.
I respect ants greatly coz they such great builders but they come round stealing my hummingbirds sugar water and then them lil’ birds don’t come no more coz the water taste like shit. That makes me mad so as much as I like and respect ants, they gotta be shown the limits of hospitality. So now I whack ‘em systematically. I feel bad about it but ‘em birds got rights to happy times too.
Not always rosy up here though, nature can be tough. Found a cat paw out back yonder while weed-whacking yesterday. We’s got big properties over here so it takes time to get everywhere. Felt bad for the kitty kat. The other day I was sitting on my porch, enjoying a libation as the sun come down over Breckenridge, and I see a snake fly by. I thought what the heck! I don’t do no drugs! Double take, I was so fixated on the snake that I almost missed the hawk carrying it home for dinner.
I like to write so I submitted some stuff to the local paper (distribution 4,000) but they said no coz it ain’t interesting enuff and I need spell check. I don’t want no spell put on me so I dropped it. I think these people be Indians or sumthin’. They knows and if they say no then so be it. Still, I’d like to write articals for the Fence post.
This was Indian land before Whites came. The Indians called it “Yitpe” and the Whites named it “The Park”, I guess Yitpe was too hard to pronounce. They kept Tehachapi though so no logic there… Yitpe is a 12 square mile basin surrounded by mountains with an elavation of about 7,500 to 8,500 feet. We get snow in the winter so we gotta chop wood for the stove. Hard work but fun cause there’s always a friend helping out. Sumthin’ else to keeps us busy and outta trouble. By the creek you’ll find flat rocks with holes in ‘em where Indian women used to grind acorn and bleach ‘em with water from the creek to make bread. When there’s a cluster it’s called a “Gossip Rock’ and it’s easy to understand why. 'Em ladies be talking 'bout their husband. Nothing new under the sun.
Lotsa oak trees over here, the Blue kind. They pretty. They loose their leaves in winter so the sun come in. During summer they provide shade to keep me cool. They don’t even need water. They about 500 to 800 years old, probably older coz they grow so slowly. They look scraggly but I like them. There are two at my place that must be ‘bout a thousand years old. I call ‘em “The Sisters” but they could be husband and wife. Must be, one one of ‘em looks pregnant.
Speaking of dat and back to the “ain’t you lonesome?” thing, the Sheriff has a daughter but they tell me she’s spoken for. I don’t go for taken women. Single women here are widows and I think they bad luck. True, some of 'em are gay too. So I prefer to stay single and carefree. This way I reckon I live a few more years and keep my hummingbirds, blue jays, woodpeckers and bunnies happy.
Density is sparse but people wave hello on the road while driving and they always willin’ to help out if you gotta a problem. Need a ¾ PVC junction for ya sprinklers? No problem. Andy, Ernie, George or Bill’s got it. And next time they need sumthin’, you got it too.
So we be hillbillies up here in Yitpe, eat your heart out. Enuff said, ain’t too interesting anyway. Nuttin’ like Johnny Depp, Vince Taylor or George Straight. Speaking o’ dat, who cares who’s straight and who not?
